Intending not to ego-boost myself, I decided to do an otherwise demeaning test.

You Are a Self Help Book!

While your advice is not always welcome... It's always right on target.

Ouch, that hurt.
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While reading a flower boutique catalog today, I realised something very important.

I have not decided what kind of flowers to buy for the little Band-it people for Musical Evening to wish them good luck!

I don’t think I’ll buy any of them roses. I mean – I love them, never doubt that, my dear Michellina, Mavis, Celestine, Linda, Isabel, Rachael Yeo, Tessa, Finalia and whomever I intend to buy flowers for; and that, I shall decide sometime later, after I get the type of flower right – but I don’t love them that much. They are, afterall, the BAND.

Have I mentioned the animosity between Michellina and I over Band affairs?

And yes – in Band, our Crescent band is so quiet that in a party, they could sit in a little corner, watching everyone else socialize and dance and stuff, and they’ll gather in a tiny little space, and go: TATAKETATATAKETATATATAKETAKATAKE, or more of weird fingering movements that nobody else can make out of except themselves.

Or they’ll say, “Okay, so after my G-note, I have to play a low C, and then I go to A then F and B…” while another one would listen and nod or frown and say, “Maybe after F, you should play a high C…”

And just in case you people thought I invented all that – trust my brain and scarred self – I did not. Its through spending 2 years living with 2 Band people in my clique and after overcoming the strong temptation of throwing something at them, as well as all the glances and the pretending I-Don’t-Know-Them game.

And no, its not as though the Band people would gather in a corner and all have spasms. Although I wish they would. Its more interesting to see people foaming at the mouth and rolling all over the floor, rotting in their own puke than seeing a bunch of Band-its sitting around, spitting all over each other, mumbling their notes to themselves.

And secondly, the band will not stay in their designated areas. They don’t stay put in the Band room, where they’re all supposed to be and make noise IN THERE, but they spill themselves all around the school compound, so it seems, to any first-time visitor, that all Crescent’s girls play instruments. Every single one of us.

And also because the Band is explicitly huge, oh – it just seems as though the whole school’s in Band. And every single time I step out of ELDDS territory, I can hear a trumpet blast, and I think to myself: Linda and Isabel.

No, honestly. It doesn’t matter to me if I don’t know the people making the noise, so I could just go inside ELDDS – which is a different kind of noise altogether, but its more calming – and curse the idiots blowing their own trumpets. Both literally and figuratively, that is.

Of course, you do realize that I haven’t generalized all Band people – because that would be a sweeping statement. I merely said “Crescent” band people. So CGSSB can come after me instead. And then again, I don’t believe they will. They’re all mute and quiet.

And people like Celestine who aren’t mute and quiet, have a great span of… I dunno, wit. I wanted to type in “patience”, but it somehow didn’t fit the context of my dear Celestine, yes? But then again, I’m much more impatient than Celestine so… FINE. Celestine’s patient.

Honestly speaking, I do believe that not all of them will stick in a corner and mumble their own notes. Can you imagine that happening during Graduation? I’m very certain that ELDDS will go wild – for obvious reasons – and the Band will go around, socializing.

And speaking of Band not sticking in the Band room, I have to say that ELDDS doesn’t do so too either, so we’ve all got our own faults, I don’t deny it. Sad for the band though, because I’m in ELDDS, and I don’t really speak up for them. Not that they need people to speak up for them, but I’m quite sure they don’t need people to diss them off either.
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I wish I didn’t offer to help my dad out at work.

Stupid business Taiwan associate.

What crappy coordinates a little 15-year-old has to deal with. What inaccuracy. What a big headache.

Grumble, grumble, grumble.
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This is a top secret essay in the computers of the English Department, and they’re all hoping that we know how to write like that. And remember – its top secret, freshly hacked from the computers, so don’t tell anyone.

I’m lying: It’s a folder in MLG, and there’s this document there called “It takes two to tango,”. Its an excerpt from a series called Eh Poh Nim – or something to that extent. I shall upload a few out of the numerous paragraphs there.

“It takes two to tango, Eh Poh Nim.”

Someone has taken the mike and is belting out ‘Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka-dot Bikini’.

“Tango? This bikini song is good for dancing. Get out there and dance, you two,” Jane says, snapping her fingers to the catchy tune.

“Never in a million years will I dance with Paul. Anyway, Jane, it takes two to tango is an expression which is the same as it takes two hands to clap. A difficult situation or argument cannot be the fault of one person alone. In this case, I think Paul’s doing the tango on his own,” Eh Poh Nim says.

“To get back to my topic, I don’t understand why you’re still unattached, Eh Poh Nim,” Paul says. “You’re smart, pretty and articulate. Guys should be falling all over you.”

“Whoa! That’s a strong come-on line. You’ve got the hots for Eh Poh Nim, haven’t you?” Jane winks at him.

“Don’t be silly, Jane. Paul and I don’t have anything in common.”

“How would you know unless you go out with me? It’s a catch 22 situation. You won’t go out with me, so you won’t know. And you don’t know, so you won’t go out with me,” Paul says.

Eh Poh Nim frowns. “Er, Paul, I don’t see the connection. You’ve got it all wrong. Catch 22 refers to a frustrating situation where you need to do one thing before doing a second, and you cannot do the second before doing the first. For example, a fresh graduate can’t find a job without work experience and without work experience, they can’t get a job. That’s Catch 22. Heard of two’s company and three’s a crowd? Jane and I are doing fine on our own here. Aren’t we, Jane?” She pats Jane on the shoulders.

I don’t think Lydia Teh – the writer for this – actually dances. From what I hear of Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini, this song isn’t good for tango – its good for cha-cha. And you can do cha-cha alone.

Learn this chunk off, Michelle, hack it into the back of your brain, engrave it on your scalp, tattoo it over your entire body. And then you’ll score 30/30 for your essays, and you can go impress Cambridge too.

Stupid.
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I’ve just remembered one of Cherlyn’s ridiculous theories.

“Don’t marry a Singaporean, cos you’ll end up marrying your own cousin!”

Why? Because Singapore’s a small country, and people here inter-marry, so – we’re all related.

In a way, its true.

But – let’s face it. That means that anyone could be marrying their cousins and uncles, so nobody’s gonna marry and have kids – you gotta get married and then have kids, you know. Not marrying and getting kids is bad, because society said so. And I won’t really want to go against society – NO – why? Because I’ll get shunned by society. Uhhuh. Yeah.
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Sneezing reminds me of the time during rehearsal and they ordered Canadian 2-4-1 pizzas, which came up to about 60 bucks. And while eating and everything, I think Ayesha asked a question, which was, “Have you tried sneezing without your eyes closed?” and we were all imagining and picturing ourselves sneezing, whether our eyes were closed or not. All of us – except Aleena and Padmini.

And that’s because Aleena heard “mouth” instead of eyes. And she was saying – NO, of course you sneeze with it closed! That’s so disgusting if it was open!

Padmini, after hearing what Aleena said, had a huge frown. And that’s because she heard “ass” instead of “eyes”. So she spoke, and said, “OH, the word was eyes! I thought Ayesha said ‘ass’, so I tried picturing myself sneezing with my ass open, and I was wondering how you all knew whether your ass was closed or open, and Aleena was saying that its disgusting if its open so…”
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Aish mentioned that sneezing’s good before. And that’s because it means that someone’s thinking of you.

Hmm. I wonder if that’s true. I don’t think its good though, because Lava mentioned that someone’s died because he sneezed too hard before. According to Lava, when you sneeze, you skip a heartbeat, and someone actually DIED, because he sneezed.

I don’t know why, but I’m quite sure that by the time you read this – that thinking of people makes them sneeze, and they might die, so when people sneeze, they might die – I’ll be sneezing non-stop. Then I shall die, and this shall be my last post. But don't worry, I promise I'll sneeze with my ass closed, else it'll be so damned disgusting.
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Responsible Michelle shall reply tags later.
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