Simon, today I am at my most despondent moments.

My darling tablet is sick, and dying. Two days ago, it went blind, and until today, it hasn't recovered. Tomorrow, my darling is going to the hospital, and I fear that it may stay there, and I will never be able to see it functioning normally again.

Whats more, my hard disk has also decided to not recognise me. In fact, my hard disk wants to delete all my files, claiming that I should reformat my hard disk. Reformat? I have stuff in there - STUFF.

I suppose, its one of those times when you have a technological breakdown, that you would suffer a severe mental and emotional breakdown too. Suddenly, things are coming on to me. My darling tablet isn't the only thing that's going blind. My darling tablet isn't the only one who's dying. My darling tablet isn't the only one who isn't functioning right.

Simon, sometimes I just feel so selfish. There are other things, far more important things, that I should be worried about, that I should be crying about. What would you do, Simon, if someone that loves you so expects so little of you? Simon, have you ever seen the colour of yellowed eyes? Have you ever seen, a body so frail, and yet a mind so strong, and felt the strong urge to just do as you wished? Have you? Have you?

And yet, they tell me - Michelle, be strong. Michelle, be focused. Michelle, be as hard-hearted and emotionally detached as you've always wished. Michelle, be indifferent to the warm grasp, the weak voice, the promises, the jealousy, the triumph, the defeat. Be indifferent. Just step aside, and don't care.

Simon, have I ever told you that things are connected? For everything, everything, is connected. People, animals, things. I remember then, the call, the confrontation, the cryings, the disappointment. I remember the betrayal, the impulse of love, the disobedience that ensued. I remember the anger, the hypocrisy, the feeling of being stupid. I remember the inital coquetry, the pain in the voice, the pain in the heart, flutterfly feelings, I remember. I remember the hints, the tests, the questioning, the fear, I remember. And it all boiled down to hypnosis.

Simon, sometimes, I have the strangest feeling that they are the ones being selfish. Do you think that you were the only one who felt the impact? Do you think that things will impact only you? Do you think that you should keep everything to yourself? Do you not realise that we are a part of us? Do you not see the pain beyond the smiles? Do you think you would be much happier to do without, even in the most desperate moments? Do you? Do you?

And yet - they say, this is human nature, this is human right, this is fate, this is your destiny. Accept it, live with it and then move along. Or at least, don't show your feelings, hide it well. They don't know you as much as I do. I know you want to rebel. For I can control, and I can remember far better than you.

I have a good memory. Simon, I have a good memory. They think I don't remember the joy, the uplifting, the happiness and content. They think I don't remember the shock, the pain, the pounds of delirum. They think I don't remember the denial, the realisation, the requiem. They think I don't remember the gamble, the black, the water, the stories, the sobbing, the bridge, the flames, the glass, and the holding -

I feel like crying. I feel like dying. My darling darling tablet, if you do go, please take me away.